i am unknowing

The Grass Is Always Greener

January 06, 2020

I just got high and can barely write. I was looking forward to getting home and writing after reading an article recently by TJCX, on creating more and consuming less. The entire day I was thinking about what I was going to write, and how maybe this will be something I really enjoy. Instead I just did nothing.

I have a bunch of things I want to do but I have trouble sitting down and doing them. If I get inspired by something I imagine that I’m successful at doing that thing. If I get inspired to write, I imagine myself a well-known writer who is read and respected by thousands of readers. When I’m inspired by a song I imagine the song taking off and getting hundreds of thousands of streams on something I’ve made. When I imagine myself starting a business I imagine people consuming my product or service and loving it.

Whenever I create things I swear to myself that it’s only for me. But I don’t think that’s true. I get the greatest pleasure out of other people listening to something I made, and enjoying it. I like hearing them tell me how it made them feel. If you tell me it inspired you I’ll cum.

I wish I could focus more on the journey of things and not the cymbal crashing crescendo that is reaching some goal. Goals move. Goals are ephemeral. I need to focus on the day to day. Enjoy the little things, because the big things are just a giant collection of the little things.

This thing was all over the place.

I'm Carl and I'm just gonna write about my life

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