i am unknowing

Daily Lessons 5.25.22

May 25, 2022

Gratitude:

  1. Like seriously amazing friends
  2. Walkable cities
  3. Enforced building codes for safety
  4. Sunshine on bare skin
  5. Being able to eat amazing cuisine from anywhere in the world

Without work I am a totally different person it feels like. I am calm, outgoing, and patient. When I am working I am almost the complete opposite.

It’s frustrating because away from my job I really do love life. When the largest (time-wise) part of your life doesn’t make you feel good it really effects the rest of your environment.

There are two reasons I haven’t left, and have a really hard time thinking about actually leaving:

  1. Money (duh)
  2. Bipolar enjoyment.

Money

This one is easy. The amount of money I make to the amount of work I put it is very very hard to beat. I really like nice things (wish I didn’t) and enjoy having the security of a healthy salary.

Bipolar Enjoyment

This is a bit different. I have weeks where I am ecstatic about work and weeks where o despise it. Weeks where I can’t believe I get paid to do what I do, and weeks I consider becoming a monk and reducing my burn rate to the bare minimum.

I don’t give myself enough time to actually make something happen in terms of leaving. By the time I’m actually thinking about leaving something happens and I am back to enjoying it and not wanting to do anything else.

Perhaps this is just how life is for me. I oscillate between a lot of things and have a hard time with consistency. Beyond being more consistent and persistent I would really like to have a more even keeled approach to work.


I'm Carl and I'm just gonna write about my life

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