i am unknowing


May 16, 2020

I’ve been trying to figure out the funk I’m in during this quarantine. I’m having a lot of trouble focusing, and a very hard time getting out of bed and having energy. I think it’s an episode of depression, but whenever that happens to me I try to find the cause.

I think I’m just bored. Not bored in the traditional sense, but in much broader way. The past 10 years of my life have been pretty damn exciting, with something new “brewing in the pipeline” every few years. Right now I don’t have that. I think the bigger problem is I don’t know what I want that to be. I’m not finding something worth striving for right now.

Recently I’ve committed to releasing more music with my cousin. We’re a few weeks into it and I’m already not enjoying it. It was super exciting for the first week or two while I thought of the idea, but after participating in it for a bit I’m bored. Again.

I’m beginning to realize that my excitement for projects is incredibly short lived. The problem with this is that you to work on something for an extended period of time for it to be successful. However, almost right after I finish building something, or making something, the sheen and excitement totally wears off and I’m left thinking about the next thing.

I’m trying to figure out the next 5 years of my life and it’s scary. Am I with the right girl? What do I want to do for work? Where do I want to live? What do I want my purpose to be?

Purpose…that’s what I’m searching for.

I'm Carl and I'm just gonna write about my life

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